In a lot of situations, I prefer to not say anything. I’m much more open to talk when around people that I’m familiar with, and have things to talk about (family, friends, co-workers), and when there aren’t very many people in the room. When a room is crowded and loud, it makes me feel uncomfortable, and when many people are talking at once the only way to be heard is by talking loudly or shouting. I don’t like to talk loudly; being loud draws attention to yourself, and it can be seen as disrespectful. Being silent makes life a lot easier, because quiet people are easy to ignore or forget about. If I find someone annoying, or if someone says something I disagree with, I much prefer to just keep to myself and not say anything. Disagreement can derail discussion, cause arguments, or be seen as rude.
However, there are also challenges when I don’t speak up. There are times where I do want to ask someone a question or request. It can take a long time to finally work up to saying what I want, or I might give up and not make an attempt. Sometimes I don’t know how to say what I’m thinking, and it can be frustrating. Even though I find it easier to write my thoughts, there are many times where I can’t properly write what I want to say, or the way that I write it doesn’t look right. Writing is also a lot slower than talking, so taking several attempts to write my thoughts can be a very slow and frustrating process. Even when I look over this blog post, it feels like there should be a clearer way to explain how I feel, but I don’t know how.
But of course, there are also things that I just don’t feel are necessary to say. I don’t care to explain what my hobbies and interests are to other people, because it doesn’t matter if they know or not. Even if I do want to describe the details of something that I’m interested in, the sheer amount of context required is just too much to explain in a short conversation. Just in general it can be hard to explain my thought process, or think of a way to explain something to other people.
- Kane McGreevy